Repel The Resistance — Derek Barton – 2020

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Definition of Resistance

The “Resistance” is constant but not futile (a tiny joke and a nod to my fellow Star Trek fans out there).  Resistance is the inner voice that every creator, writer, inventor or artist out there hears deep inside. That annoying, grating, self-indulgent nay-sayer who keeps you from pursuing your dreams, goals or from even putting one foot forward to start on your journies. The voice trapping you behind false masks!

Resistance is born from our insecurities, busy outside lives and the lack of faith in our skills. The questions it seeds our minds with grow into trees of self-fulfilling prophecies. In other words, its true purpose is to give you excuse after excuse why you cannot or will not write today. We all have hundreds of unique excuses and seemingly valid reasons for not putting pen to paper.  Everyone has lives and everyone has their own agendas. Yet if you give in to Resistance, you set up a habit of self-destruction and a pattern of sabotage.

Symptoms of Resistance

  • Procrastination — This is a big one for me. I give myself an out by saying, “I just don’t have the energy” or “I’m too tired tonight. One more day and I’ll get to it.”  Lies I tell myself. Resistance provides a nice pillow for me or it provides a comfy couch for me to binge-watch my shows on instead of battling to find the right words for my chapter.
  • Confusion — You are “stuck” or have a minor case of “writer’s block” because you may have written yourself into a tough scenario and don’t know how to write yourself an escape. Or your outline is vague in this spot or too general and now you find you have to fill in the nasty missing link.
  • Loss of creativity — “How can you be expected to write your masterpiece tonight?”  Or another accusation from Resistance, “I’m not feeling it. The scene isn’t going anywhere.” We stare at the screen or the blank paper for a few seconds then let Resistance “save us” and we jump ship.
  • No motivation/muse — Similar to loss of creativity is lack of motivation or the infamous “muse”. You actually know what you want to write, have the story events in your mind but at the same time doubt nags you or a lack of confidence keeps you from even trying.

Causes of Resistance

  • Low energy — One of the common and easiest ways to let Resistance get over your walls and breach your defenses against it. You have to discover the right time for you and when you are at your peak energy output is key to writing quality work. When are you focused?
  • Illness — Poor health or unexpected events are going to happen. Yet if you plan with “life” in mind, you will give yourself some back up or make-up time. Myself, I have been using Bi-monthly Goals and Writing Sprints to understand better on what to plan for and if they are possible in my given time table. I have also been working on my health and trying to approach those goals like my writing goals. In essence, good health and energy IS a writing goal.
  • Poor planning — By knowing your projects, your actual production limits, and keeping in sight holidays and/or special events in your life, you can keep Reistance at bay often. Also using efficient and beneficial planning for your writing will make it easier to progress. I struggle a lot if I don’t work out my outlines well enough or if I have left a spot too general or vague. I stall without direction. I know this about my writing so I need to adjust accordingly in order  to fend off Resistance.
  • Internet distractions — The internet is a double-edged sword for all writers. We use it constantly in our wordcraft, research and even inspiration. However, it is super addictive, highly distracting and often a vicious time-killer. There are actual websites online that prevent you from accessing other websites or email during a programmed time. It protects you from YOU!
  • Lack of character knowledge — The next two are related to poor design or poor development of story elements. If you have a limited idea of what your character is going to do in a scene, no idea of how they might react under pressure or if you have someone with barely any personality, this will leave you with limited material and limited ways to progress your story. Resistance feeds on lost productivity like this.
  • Off course of plot/storyline — Writer’s Block at its finest can be broken down to another version of “don’t know what to write”. The blank page spans for eons in front of you like a white desert, barren and desolate of life. Yes, of course, when a character goes offscript and drags you and the story into a whole other direction, it could be magical and inspiring, but if you find your story has ground to a halt and Resistance is boiling up, you need to re-examine your original story or outline to find your way back. Resistance could be using your detour and “magical moment” as a way to derail your progress!

Answers to Resistance

  • Maintain a better life & work balance — Nothing is easy and finding the perfect blend of writing and having a family life is a difficult but necessary tool to stop Resistance and your writing production. A great way to see where your actual time goes each day is to track your activities and how much each action takes. You can also learn when you are the most productive by listing the times you write, for how long, and what your word count was for the session.
  • Create a Time Table for your week/writing commitments — A great way to beat Resistance is to make writing routine and habitual. Craft a chart for listing 3 Goal Items:  Writing Commitments, Process/Project Tasks, Personal Ojectives.  What will be your Writing Commitment this week (example: a 25-minute session for 5 days of the week as a success)? What is a Process or Project Task you are going to spend time on (like marketing, editing, etc)? And other Personal Objective you want to accomplish during the week?
  • Set up a writing routine/writing space — Finding routine is essential for habit-making. What works for you as a writer?  Does going to local public places like libraries or coffee shops help you get into your writing zone? Do you need a designated place in your house, a specific hour or quiet atmosphere? Would mood music help you produce more or shut out the noise from Resistance? All of these questions are key to learning the writer you are and what will boost your spirit into writing.
  • Freewriting sprints — Sprints are timed freewriting sessions in which you silence your inner editor (Resistance’s bastard cousin) and produce as many words as possible. Leting go of any obstacles or any normal objections you have. Many writers also use these sprints to get past the initial “blah” to writing. Once you have made it past five or ten minutes, you’ll most likely push through to your daily objective.
  • Delve into your backstories — I touched on this above, but not having any true direction or finding your character is too flat to come to life on paper begs Resistance to block you. My advice is to work on their prior lives. What happened to them before your story? Was there an event which guided their behaviors or personalities? Do they hide from stressors, have character flaws, have unknown strengths or are there secrets in their past you could work out which can add depth and color to your character portrait?
  • Research your subject or develope more of your world — This tip is a balancing act. Resistance can hide here and disguise your efforts at world-building or learning historical or scientific facts as a lengthy distraction and keep you away from your true goals of writing. If you are stuck on a specific area or if you need motivation, use this with precision to get through the part. Limit the time donated on this aspect and you should find it a great way to fight back against Resistance.
  • Reward yourself — If you find Resistance is still putting a wedge between you and your work, add a reward for accomplishing your writing goal. It doesn’t have to be big (special food, coffee, or maybe video game time) will be enough spark to push through. If you want bigger, use the reward to honor completed sets of sessions. An example could be taking the family out for a dinner at the end of the week of completed writing sessions. This gives you and the family quality time together and rewarding those who are in your life supporting your writing.
  • Set your Goals and writing plans realistically — Becoming overwhelmed or finding yourself missing out too much on family events or nights out with friends will invite Resistance into your life guaranteed. It’s a part of that Work/Life balancing act I talked about. If you have too many projects hanging over your head, you’ll lose the thrill to writing. When everything about writing becomes a chore, you will know you have to revisit your goals and what you can accomplish.  I recently did some timed sprints myself and learned that I can at the moment produce 400 words of quality writing in 25 minutes. I’m tracking this and hope to continually build this word count up. If I set goals now for myself to write 2000 words a day, I know it will take me almost three hours. I have a full-time day job and a family of five to support and I want to spend time with as well. Three hours a day would be unrealistic and unfair to those who support me — I would quickly become overworked, stressed out and extremely grumpy. I don’t want to live this way nor do I want to put my family through it. I would love to only have writing but it isn’t financially feasible as well. Plotting out the year with this knowledge however and understanding how illness and holidays will interfere, I can better set up realistic goals.

Remember, being an accomplished, seasoned writer or a brand new novelist doesn’t change the fact Resistance will always be there. Resistance has infinite lives and many devious forms. These tips will help and you will probably find even more ways to keep motivated and strong, but give yourself a break. You will not always be able to ward off the demons of Resistance all of your writing career, but once they rear their ugly heads, cut them off cleanly and quickly! Use drive, planning and organization to keep yourself ahead of the game!

 

Good luck and great writing!

LAST Sneak Preview – Chapter Three from EVADE (Rough Draft) — Derek Barton – 2020

Scary Horror Wallpapers 9

CHAPTER THREE 

The air in the police car became stuffy and a faint moldy odor permeated the interior. I wondered how old the vehicle was and how many times the inside had to be scrubbed clean due to drunks. “Can you maybe turn on the AC?” I asked. ”Or maybe open a window? It’s a little warm in here.”

“Yeah, not a problem,” Josh replied, rolling his window down. His demeanor had softened since I acknowledged who I really was and who I was picking up at the airport. 

 

Guess my dirty laundry had been talked about a lot around the station.

Five months ago, after the eighth nurse turned up dead in Denver, Colorado, I took the plunge and went rogue. I took an extended leave of absence, claiming I needed to take care of a cancer-riddled aunt then requested a long bereavement when she died. Of course, there wasn’t any aunt. 

It was eventually exposed. I’m guessing Jessie made a call to rat me out during our divorce. Anyway, my work history file was permanently stained by it.  Yet, in all, I didn’t have any choice and it was worth every bit of what I paid. 

I went undercover and took up the chase for the Nurse Catcher on my own. Every day for four straight months with no bureaucracy to bulldoze through or finagle. 

Flew out to Denver on my own dime, used every bit of information I had on this brutal serial killer, and hunted the wintry streets without backup.  I think I got close at some point. He must’ve sensed me somehow and fled the city.  

 

When all the leads had dried up and while I waited for an expected ninth victim, I found a computer hacker and blackmailed him to gain access to an international investigation records database.

We learned a name, Lawson Daniel Torv, from the illegal research.  A man under investigation for the deaths of three nurses is what stood out to me. It fit the profile and his history in Australia where he was born worked within the timeline our own investigation had developed. 

They lost this Lawson Torv during their own manhunt, but the case remained open. The detective-in-charge, a Douglas Carber’s notes gave me some important factors which guided me on a hunch to Las Vegas. 

Within weeks, bodies of two more nurses showed up there. 

My instincts again told me he already moved on, but I pursued his trail to San Diego. When his newest victim, Kelli Thompson, in San Diego was found, it sealed his fate.

 

I truly hated that I couldn’t discern his actual location before Kelli was mutilated and murdered. The only positive was when her remains were discovered, it sent out a beacon to me, an exact spot to hunt for him.  I understood his pattern by then and what rules he had adapted. 

Torv, The Nurse Catcher, would drift along from city to city looking for ideal households on the outskirts of cities. He would rob and murder the resident owner or owners, keeping their remains hidden in the basement or garages. From there, he’d stalk the local college campuses. 

Once he chose his victim, he waited for the prime opportunity to kidnap her to his new home. There, he’d take his time, rape and torture for four to five days, then he’d butcher them with an axe. Afterward, he’d take their remains to an area picked out for its difficulty to traverse. 

Being a big man, ex-military, athletic and incredibly strong, he carried the remains in burlap sacks and dumped them in thorn patches or heavy shrub cover. Sometimes, he buried them in shallow graves under fallen trees. He knew he would have a long head start before anyone found them.  Some of the women continued to be missing. 

I suspected Tawnie had to have been one of the first in America.  He displayed her like a calling card or some freakish grand announcement to the United States and Australian authorities. It was like he was flipping the bird to all authority. The Australian investigators hadn’t picked up on it and the investigators here chucked it up as just another sexual pervert serial killer born and raised in the Heartland.

Without the effort I made, I wonder how long he’d have gone on. How many more deaths and innocent victims would have met their fate at his hands?

I am no hero, but I did step up. They can’t take that from me.

It cost me a bad marriage, a possible executive position in the police force, and nearly my pension. The only reason it hadn’t been harsher was the fact I practically took the San Diego police force by the hand and walked them to Torv’s front doorstep. Along with the fact he was caught with the homeowner’s body and the sisters saved me from facing charges or severe disciplinary actions.

The shock and frustration on the massive man’s face when they arrested him was worth every bit of the fallout from my stint of illegal vigilantism.       

As the police car entered a four-lane freeway tunnel, further ahead came a shrill shriek of tires and brakes followed by the echo of metal meeting metal. The impact was loud and peppered with shouts and other aftershocks of minor crashes.  

Goddamn it!  I’m going to be stuck in a traffic jam on the most important day of my career — seeing the smug bastard step down the steps of the plane in handcuffs and a police escort, walking right into my charge!  I have to be there!

It was literally life-fulfilling to me. He was going to know who had taken him down. Sure, I had been there at the arrest along with a dozen others, but I wasn’t allowed time to interrogate him or even ask for the locations of the missing girls’ remains.

When he was with me downtown at Headquarters, I would get my almighty moment. Like the families of all his victims, I wanted — no, needed closure. The days of not having to think of The Nurse Catcher, obsessing over where Lawson would be that night, questioning what else I may do or what I hadn’t thought of to bring him down were almost over and life for everyone involved could move forward.

My eyes met Officer O’Dell’s in the rearview mirror.  “Goddamn it, O’Dell! If I have to get out on foot and run along the cars, I’m going to do it!” 

He shook his head. “No. We’re not at that point yet. We’ve got time and this.” He bent down and flipped on the sirens and lights. Slowly traffic worked to get out of their way, letting them get by.

I heaved some pent-up breath and rolled my tight shoulders trying to release the stress. The little arm wrapped in mine hadn’t left. I looked down and met the prying gaze of the boy.  

“I have a very important appointment at the airport, but don’t let it worry you, angel. It won’t be long before you’re back with your family.”

“Nope,” he whispered. The tiny voice and simple word of denial struck me like a slap. A hopeless taint to the core of his statement. A finality.

“No. It’s going to be okay.” I tried to reassure him again, but his eyes were covered by the thick sunglasses so I couldn’t read their impact upon him.

From the front seat, Officer Brandon turned around. He showed a big “gotcha”-smile. “So…You can speak, tiger.  What’s your name?”

The boy didn’t say anything to him and stared out the driver’s side window. He did, at least, keep his arm where it was and held my hand.

I leaned over and whispered, “If you tell us your name, I’m sure we could stop along the way and get you a soda…or maybe a scoop or two of ice cream.  It’s really important we get you back with your family.”

He only continued to study the passing cars.  Brandon turned back around, letting me work with him.

Shawn managed to squeeze the car past the three-car-and-delivery-van-pile-up we heard before, but there was at least a half-mile of tunnel still left to go.

I sat quietly, waiting for a reply, but the little man had a thick wall he didn’t seem to be ready to let me through.

“You know I’ve always wanted a little boy like you. In fact, my dream as a young girl was to have two children, a boy and a girl, to spoil and take everywhere with me. I set up tea parties with boy and girl dolls all the time. Once I even had a picnic in the park with them but forgot to tell my mom where I was going. The look of relief when she found me was…”

I let the words fade off when he whispered a word, “Chocolate?”

“Yes. We could get chocolate. Right, Officers?”

They agreed loudly.

He raised up, cupping his lips with his free hand as he whispered, “Phelps. My name is Rory Dillon Phelps.”

I let go of his hand and squeezed him with a warm hug. Then I spoke out loud for the officers. “There. That wasn’t so hard. Thank you, Rory Dillon Phelps.”

A loud, music-thumping and smoke-filled Honda Civic stayed in front of the patrol car, ignoring the sirens and flickering lights. In actuality, there wasn’t a place to go as the cars in front and alongside their lane were sitting idle with no room or shoulder to maneuver.  O’Dell turned off the useless noise and lights.

“It’s only 9:48 AM. We’re going to have to wait a bit here though.”

“Okay,” I acknowledged. “Hey, in the meantime, have Dispatch look into finding his address. Maybe they can contact his family?”

Brandon swept up the radio receiver again. “X1718 to Dispatch. Over.”

Seconds later. “This is Dispatch, X1718. Were you able to pick the boy up?”

“Yes, ma’am. He appears to be seven-years-old with some minor cuts and abrasions, but otherwise, he’s fine. His name is Rory Phelps. Can you locate an address and maybe contact the family — tell them we should arrive in a couple of hours with him.”

“Couple hours?”

“We have serious traffic right now due to a pileup in the Bennington Tunnel. Depending on where he lives, we could be earlier or later.”

“Noted. We’ll get the information back to you shortly. Over.”

Ten minutes passed. The early heat of the morning was building and the car’s AC had little effect as I checked my cell phone over and over.

“Dispatch to X1718.”

“X1718 responding.”

“This is Officer Carter again. I wanted to confirm with you the name of the boy. You reported Rory Phelps, correct?”

“Yes. R-O-R-Y  P-H-E-L-P-S. Over.”

“X1718 please switch to Priority Line 2A.” She was guiding them to a classified radio frequency. Nothing good was said on those lines.

“X1718 reporting on 2A. Over.”

“Dispatch reporting. Hey, fellas, what’s going on?”

“What’s wrong, Sheila?”

“If you have the same Rory Phelps I’m finding in the database, then you’ve got a child reported missing since 2016.”

Shawn snatched the receiver from Josh’s hand. “Sheila, this is Officer Shawn O’Dell. Hey, uh, can you give us what exact information you’re finding?” 

“A Rory Dillion Phelps was abducted while on a historic tour of the Foxworth Mines in 2016.  The bodies of his murdered parents were found, but his surviving sister, Bethany–”

Rory cried out, “BETHANY!” He hugged me, weeping into my shoulder.

The three of us stared at one another in shock and dismay at his reaction.

“…was not able to describe what happened. Some sort of traumatic amnesia blocked the details.  She currently lives with Kenneth Gerard, her guardian in Drexel Hills,” Sheila continued.

“Have you contacted them?”

“Not yet, I didn’t want to give them any false hope if I didn’t have the right information.”

“He had a pretty obvious reaction to the name of his sister. Contact her guardian as soon as possible.” Shawn handed the receiver to Josh.

“Dispatch, we will see what other information we can get from the boy.”

“Understood. Dispatch over.”

As Josh replaced the receiver, Shawn tromped hard on the brake pedal.  I hit the back of the seat as Josh smashed his head and shoulder into the dashboard.

“What the hell, man?” he snapped.

The Civic from earlier stopped moving forward and Shawn nearly rear-ended them.

 

Smoke leaked out around the windows of the Civic and filled the interior with a blinding fog. It remained motionless even though the traffic moved ahead on both sides.

As Shawn prepared to swing around them, the car’s passenger door popped open and a young black youth stepped out. Dressed in red basketball shorts, a red cap, and a white Chicago Bulls tank top, he raised both hands in mock surrender. He held a glistening silver vape pipe in one hand which he pointed at them like a pistol. 

“What the hell?” Brandon repeated. He went to roll down his window, but O’Dell grabbed his arm.

“Not this time. Chill,” he ordered.

Shawn shook his head at the cocky youth and twisted the steering wheel to the right, pulling the car over, blocking both lanes.

The driver of the beat-up lime-green Civic did likewise and went diagonal to block both lanes, too. 

“You ain’t leaving this party so soon, little piggies?” The black youth shouted as he sauntered over to O’Dell’s window.

 

“Aw, shit!” I didn’t like the way this was going.

The driver’s door opened and two more boys climbed out, one white and one East Indian. They were dressed alike in red caps, t-shirts, and red shorts, obviously fronting gang affiliation. With no regard for the police officers, they marched up and stood in front of the cruiser.

His eyes on the youths, Shawn swung the car’s computer console toward him. On the screen, he typed in the license plate HMN 2027.  Honda Civic.

The screen blinked and refreshed with a picture and name of the Indian teenager: Khota Katri, Age 17, Street Name — KK. No current warrants. Suspected gang affiliation to The 27th Street Crew Gang.

Josh rolled down his window. “Back the fuck up! Now!” His voice crackled with pent-up fury. He then leaped out the door before Shawn could throw the vehicle in park.

“You were asked a question. It’s rude not to answer,” Khota quipped, standing his ground when Josh got in his face.  KK was a couple of inches taller.

“Get back in your car now or you’ll go downtown.” Shawn roared at the first youth through the window.  

“Stay and protect the boy,” he snapped at me. He started to open his door but stopped when the youth walked back along the cruiser, smiling at Rory and me. 

“Well…My, my, my. Now I see–” the words dropped off as his jaw went slack. His eyes took on a confused, dazed stare, losing the mirth she’d just seen in them.

At that exact moment, something changed in the air. It was similar to the charge of static in the air gathering before a lightning storm, then a snap or like something breaking. It was something very palpable. Unseen but present.

The youth continued looking at us, but his mouth had closed, and the smile vanished. He raised his hand, the one without the vape, and pointed a slender finger at Rory.  He mouthed, I seek you. 

I spotted thin wisps of black smoke rising from the skin of his forehead and the skin along his cheeks.  

Holy shit! What is going on? My instincts flared to life inside. My heart raced in a sudden surge. The unnatural smoke coming out of the youth’s pores scared me to the core.

“O’DELL!” I screamed, “GET US OUT OF HERE. DRIVE BETWEEN THEM AND GET JOSH!” 

The tricky scenario triggered a reaction in both police officers as well. Josh retreated, one hand gripping the Glock on his belt, the other one raised, ready to stiff-arm any charges. The two boys cackled like human hyenas at each other but didn’t move nor had they taken on the scary effect like the first boy.

What the fuck was that smoke?

Josh leaped into the passenger seat as the black teen yanked hard on the back door’s handle, but all four doors were locked.  

 

His eyes were distant and reacting as if in a trance. Could it be from the pot they might’ve been smoking in the car? Something told me there was more to it. As a detective, the eyes are always the first thing I study. 

Shawn swung the vehicle over and used the cruiser’s bumper bars to nudge the Civic aside. 

I kept my focus on the first teenager. He clung to the door handle and was dragged a few feet before letting go as the police car left them. The other two were laughing and acting like they were celebrating a Super Bowl touchdown at a block party.  This was a highlight moment in their lives. 

A whisper from Rory caught my attention.

“Lindsey?”

I looked down at him. 

“JESUS!” I yelped and clasped a hand over my mouth in sudden terror.

Rory’s face was peppered by beads of sweat and his cheeks were reddening as if sunburned. He was curled into a ball, floating a few inches in the air above the black leather seats. A narrow line of fiery amber light encircled him. As it slowly revolved around him, I could barely discern odd symbols and letters in the glow of the line. Panic filled the child’s eyes.